Lily Mae




Archer Leo

Our week in pictures #9

Comparing this weeks photos to a fortnight ago it's almost as though you can see the seasons changing. Gone are the sleeveless rompers and short sleeved dresses and instead we're back to woolly hats, oversized jumpers, tights and wellies. I love it.

(On a side note I've been looking everywhere for some nice waterproof jackets for the kids, if anyone knows of any please get in touch!)

This week, as I mentioned in my recent siblings post, has been a week of being outdoors.

Siblings in September

To say it's September and has gotten steadily colder and rainier (is that a word!?) we've spent more time outdoors in the past fortnight than I think we did the whole of August. Mostly thanks to the school run. It's been good for all of us, forcing us out into the fresh air several times a day and weirdly we all seem to have more energy since term started than we did in the holidays.

We've been doing a lot of after tea walks as I'm really conscious of the fact that its getting darker earlier and earlier and soon we wont have the opportunity to do so. Luckily for us we live on the edge of an easily accessible woods so most of these photos have been taken post school day in the woods as it's our go to place of late.

Autumn & Winter positivity list

First of all yes, this is one of those stereotypical things I love about autumn posts. Sorry not sorry! I've been feeling a bit deflated since summer came to an end last week and this type of post is exactly what I needed to cheer me up. 

It's more of a positive things I have coming up over the colder months (what a mouthful to say) post than it is necessarily just autumn based. If you've been feeling a bit deflated like me recently I would seriously suggest sitting down and doing a positive list of your own. It didn't half change my state of mind as now I'm all, bring on the cold!

Our Week in Pictures #8

I was doing so well at keeping up with my week in pictures posts. But somethings got to give at some point and I totally forgot to finish and post this one from two weeks ago. And so I'll post what I'd written before I got distracted by life - only a few lines - which wont make much sense as you'll know by now that Lily is at school if you've read any previous posts. But hey ho, it would be a shame to let this post go and waste the pictures! ;) 

The last full week of the holidays is here and I still can't quite decide if this summer holiday has been incredibly fast or interminably slow. Weirdly, somehow, its been a bit of both. 

I think I'm still sort of mentally blocking out the fact that Lily's starting school next week. She has two settling in sessions and a home visit and then starts full time on the 11th. It still doesn't feel real. and for that I'm glad. - nb: it certainly feels real now!

First day of Reception - All the feels

I'm writing this whilst my feelings are still raw having just dropped Lily off for her first day of reception. I usually save writing for when Archer is napping since he is obviously distracting as heck but I wanted to get out my initial emotions so I can look back and remember how I was feeling after drop off. 
I feel more emotional than I thought I would. I think I was totally naive in thinking that I wouldn't feel massively anxious for her. Because I know how ready she is, how excited and how long she's been counting down the days. And also because when she had her settling in morning at the start of summer she was absolutely fine and ran off without a backward glance, I sort of presumed it would be a case of the same. But today I could sense her nerves. As soon as we stepped into the classroom and a name sticker was placed on her cardigan and she was asked to choose what she wanted for her lunch. She became a little clingy and cuddly and her being nervous made me equally as nervous. Of course it's normal for her to be this way, and I should have prepared myself a bit more for it really. Even if she was fine on her settling in day, this is her first proper day and first time wearing her uniform which probably made it a lot more real and scary for her. 
She was fine though. went and happily sat on the carpet after we received several tighter than normal cuddles. And then it was just me left feeling like I didn't want to let go. 

Another Fox AW17 Collection Lookbook

I'm all about the small independent businesses found online these days. Or the 'Instagram kids shops' as they are often more casually referred to! I shopped at few for Lily, pre Archer, but my love for them really started after Archer was born and I struggled to find any boys clothing on the high street that impressed me.

The shops I found via social media, mainly Instagram, solved that problem for me and I more or less haven't looked back since. I've found that the clothing designs from these smaller businesses are so much more vibrant, unique and thought through. There's a lot less gender stereotyping within the clothes themselves, baby blues for boys and pink for girls etc and more often than not the collections are entirely unisex which I appreciate (especially as someone who was team yellow throughout her pregnancy).
Lastly, these shops are more often than not run by work at home mothers and in my opinion who better? They know their target audience to a T.

As I am a serial shopper I thought I would start a new blog series showing off my favourite collections. A lookbook series if you like, with Archer as my blissfully un-aware model (seriously he's so used to me snapping away at him with my camera that he doesn't even bat an eyelid anymore ha ha)

& who better to start with than Another Fox.

Mummy & Me - August

This is the first month in god knows how long I've had photos with me in to actually post. I've made a conscious effort to get in photos with the kids lately stemming from my realisation that I had more or less no photos of me and archer together. Not even grainy selfies! and no recent ones of me and Lily either.

I weigh a heck of a lot more now than I did pre Arch and I've not been happy with my appearance for a long time and so I think I just unconsciously made sure to stay behind the camera in the past year. But not being entirely happy with the way I look shouldn't stop me from being in photos with my kids. They're not going to notice, or care, when they look back at these pictures. And the fact that my own insecurities could stop my children from having photographic memories of me after I'm gone makes my heart break a little. And so I'm glad I've had the realisation sooner rather than later.

What the hell is wrong with my body.

The best way to describe it is its like feeling horrendously poorly, every single day. Like carrying round a virus with you that just doesn't leave unlike other viral infections. When you are poorly you get to lay down in bed and rest, until you are better. But I don't. Because this is my life.  Every second of every day is a struggle. A battle with my own body with no end in sight. Every day I wake up and know I'm still going to be in the same amount of physical pain. The pain in my head varies but it's always, always there. Sometimes like a building pressure, a band squeezing and squeezing, tighter and tighter with every movement I make until it's excruciating (that's the easiest one to cope with, believe it or not) and other times it's a rushing, a roaring, a pounding that doesn't end, doesn't so much as waver. Those ones are the worst, the pounding. Both because I'm physically sick with it and because I can't function at all through the level of pain. Its harder to keep up the act, even though I try to. I refuse to go to bed and succumb to it. I just sit there and feel it, and act like I feel normal so my kids don't suspect. Every day it's one of the two types. For as long as I can remember..childhood, adulthood. Not once in my entire memory have I ever experienced a pain free day in my temples.

Next is the nausea and vertigo. Every single day I feel sick, faint, dizzy. Again, nothing seems to get rid. Not the amount I eat or what I eat. The amount I drink or how active or inactive I am. Always nausea, always there. I could be sick every single day for the rest of my life if I let myself. But most days I force it down. How am I only just realising that this isn't right, isn't normal?
Then there's the dizzy spells. I experience vertigo daily many many times a day and have at least one period a day where I think I'm going to black out. I used to sit there in primary school and grip the sides of my chair and will myself not to pass out because omg, the embarrasment. I taught myself from a very young age how to stop it from happening - excuse myself to the toilet, head between legs, deep breaths. And continued to do so all through out high school, and now my adult life.

Our Week in Pictures #7

Week 5 of the summer holidays and we're all still alive! Just about ;) I've given up all pretence of living on anything but a diet of caffeine right now. Sleep is horrible (is there an 18 month sleep regression??) my migraines are back with a vengeance and my motivation for blogging and vlogging (/anything that involves getting my brain in to gear) is all over the place. However I'm enjoying the lack of nursery runs and having my two all to myself and even though the summer holidays seem to have lasted a lifetime, there's a rather large part of me not wanting it to end. 

The weather's been kind to us this week. It's been cloudy but warm. In a humid thunderstorm brewing oh hello migraine kind of way. But it has meant we've been out and about lots, which has been good for the kids even if not for my head.